I’m not certain where this entry is headed except that I need to write.  I have really gotten back to “letting God” these past few months and it has been a roller coaster of a ride.  There is so much I want to accomplish, a plethora of ambitious undertakings at my feet and I am constantly thwarted by the evil of this world at nearly every step.  If you are reading this please pray for me; if you aren’t a praying person please send good thoughts and vibes my way.

I find myself looking back once in awhile when there is nothing to look back to anymore; there is no one who has given me up who is going to come to me and say I’m sorry, or I’m here for you, or anything that remotely resembles a way to allow me a sense of closure.  I know this and still I hope for whatever ridiculously childish reason.  I have tremendous faith in people which has caused me a great deal of pain; it has burdened me to stray from my true self to what others need or want.

I may have to take a step back from the things I enjoy and love in order to find a peaceful path with the part of my life I am forced to endure daily.  I love my career path now and things are progressing nicely, but the path is just that and I cannot move it faster than what is best.

Relationships are the part of my life I don’t completely understand.  People want to be my friend and then suddenly they disappear without a word; it always leaves me wondering if I did something wrong or to offend them.  I don’t always let all of the truth come out in relationships (this includes friendships, as they are a relationship) b/c there are times when what truth I can offer will only stir up drama.  I have found people avoiding me, ignoring me, and despising me without first ever coming to me to confront me with their feelings.  I know that most people would say that those people are not worth my time, but you see I love people and negativity with my name attached is bad whether it is correctly placed or not.  My last relationship, though kept under wraps, was a painful setback to my life.  I have to let go, but the pain is so very real to this day.

Please, if you pray, say a prayer for me.

One day when you look back and count the ways you have brightened the life of someone else, what will you see?  I hope you get to say that you were one person who was able to purchase and fill a backpack full of gifts for a child going through cancer treatment in Indiana.  There is no way in the world that THAT could be a bad memory.  As an adult I cannot imagine the pain they must endure and I bring myself back to this thought whenever I decide I’m going to complain about something I have to live with, but am not dying from nor could it kill me. Imagine being the parents of these children and wondering if your baby will ever be well again, knowing the high percentage of people who don’t make it through.  Would you be thankful for those who brought your child the smallest ray of hope, a distraction from the pain they go through during each treatment, and that smile that lights up their face when they realize they are significant to someone whom they don’t even know?!

The namesake of Tatum’s Bags of Fun, Tatum Parker, is herself a two-time cancer survivor and she is only 12 years old.  Here she is telling you her story on YouTube http://youtu.be/VcJ7l8Uif7E.  She is 12 years old and giving back the same gift time and time again that she received while in chemotherapy and radiation treatment the second time she was diagnosed and the same gift you could give right now.  Each backpack given costs $350 to fill and is filled with age-appropriate activities according to the age of the recipient and their likes; the backpack includes an electronic item and is personally delivered by Tatum and/or her family.  It is my goal to help Tatum keep doing this each and every year that I possibly can.  If you need more evidence of the great things this triathlon team is doing to help Tatum reach her goals please visit the rest of the team’s profiles and go to tatumsbagsoffun.org and read the latest!

I appreciate any donation to TBF and every single share of this page. Please consider giving to a cause that more than understands the pain children go through and that the family feels every time these beautiful children have to endure the long and painful treatments for a cure.

Give the gift of a smile, you could never look back and frown at the impact you made in a child’s life.  Thanks for visiting my page.  IF you have any questions or want to give in a unique way, e.g. according to mileage or any other way you can think of please let me know by emailing me at triathlon@mariemarcum.com and we’ll work it out.  Again, thanks for visiting and thanks for giving!


Marie C. Marcum
“Be Strong Stay Strong”

With the passing of each wave, how do I calm the sea inside?  The tide ebbs and flows, I catch my breath and sink back under.  Where is the air, the calm, the dream of what was supposed to be, I slip back under.  There is something there, but the light is dim and my eyes sting.  I close my eyes to see.  Blurry images fade, replaced with those past.  I must open my eyes or plunge deeper into an abyss, but the pain if I do, the pain if I do…not.  Even the clouds release their plight on an already blurred soul.  Images can no longer be made certain or clear, the clearest through eyes squeezed tight.  Floating, submerged, flailing, swallowing, the pain, the salty darkness invades every sense and denies anything sweeter.  Nothing can be separated, the storm inside matches the storm prevailing all around.  Give in or die fighting the raging sea, the choice is not as simple as it seems when there is freedom to be found on either side.  The darkness is enduring when the light cannot break through.  A heavy soul lost among crashing waves cannot see the stars, cannot find the light without some semblance of a break from the pain of it.

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